not today, optimism
Lower Your Expectations—They Were Never That High Anyway."
Perfect for those who see the glass half empty, cracked, and probably full of something toxic anyway. These shirts are tailor-made for the beautifully jaded, the professionally unenthused, and anyone who’s ever looked at a sunny day and thought, “Great. Skin cancer.”
Why lie to the world with forced optimism when you can wear the truth, screen-printed and snarky, across your chest? Each design delivers a heavy sigh in cotton form—an eye roll you don’t have to perform yourself. Crafted from fabric soft enough to briefly distract you from your existential dread, these tees are ideal for passive-aggressively attending social functions, muttering “told you so” under your breath, or just staring blankly into the abyss (which, let’s be honest, is probably staring back).
From fatalistic one-liners to charmingly grim philosophies, this collection is for those who laugh at disaster, cringe at pep talks, and firmly believe that if anything can go wrong, it absolutely already has—and they weren’t surprised.
Wear your cynicism proudly. After all, hope is just disappointment on layaway.
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Lower Your Expectations—They Were Never That High Anyway."
Perfect for those who see the glass half empty, cracked, and probably full of something toxic anyway. These shirts are tailor-made for the beautifully jaded, the professionally unenthused, and anyone who’s ever looked at a sunny day and thought, “Great. Skin cancer.”
Why lie to the world with forced optimism when you can wear the truth, screen-printed and snarky, across your chest? Each design delivers a heavy sigh in cotton form—an eye roll you don’t have to perform yourself. Crafted from fabric soft enough to briefly distract you from your existential dread, these tees are ideal for passive-aggressively attending social functions, muttering “told you so” under your breath, or just staring blankly into the abyss (which, let’s be honest, is probably staring back).
From fatalistic one-liners to charmingly grim philosophies, this collection is for those who laugh at disaster, cringe at pep talks, and firmly believe that if anything can go wrong, it absolutely already has—and they weren’t surprised.
Wear your cynicism proudly. After all, hope is just disappointment on layaway.
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Lower Your Expectations—They Were Never That High Anyway."
Perfect for those who see the glass half empty, cracked, and probably full of something toxic anyway. These shirts are tailor-made for the beautifully jaded, the professionally unenthused, and anyone who’s ever looked at a sunny day and thought, “Great. Skin cancer.”
Why lie to the world with forced optimism when you can wear the truth, screen-printed and snarky, across your chest? Each design delivers a heavy sigh in cotton form—an eye roll you don’t have to perform yourself. Crafted from fabric soft enough to briefly distract you from your existential dread, these tees are ideal for passive-aggressively attending social functions, muttering “told you so” under your breath, or just staring blankly into the abyss (which, let’s be honest, is probably staring back).
From fatalistic one-liners to charmingly grim philosophies, this collection is for those who laugh at disaster, cringe at pep talks, and firmly believe that if anything can go wrong, it absolutely already has—and they weren’t surprised.
Wear your cynicism proudly. After all, hope is just disappointment on layaway.
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!